She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
