You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
