Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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