i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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