My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
