i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
