Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
