Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
