you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
