At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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