just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
