He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
