Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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