he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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