are you still at the devil's house?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
