i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
