life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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