Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
