An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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