Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
the raccoons are back...
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