you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
