we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
