His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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