i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
