I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
