Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
