I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
