Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
