His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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