I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
