What did we do last night that was yellow?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
