there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
