cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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