What did we do last night that was yellow?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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