I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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