is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Randomize
