You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
