I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
