I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
