ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
