Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
