we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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