Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
