So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You pole danced in your parka.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
