I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The feeling are messing with the penis
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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