all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
wow bdsm is so cute
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
