i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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