Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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