Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
