If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
