We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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