I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
