I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
