Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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